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Here are my horror stories from my previous provider Telocity.

Why I wouldn't use Telocity again, even if my only other means of connection to the Internet were a string and two tin cans.

That statement may seem pretty strong, but after dealing with problem after problem with Telocity I can state that it is completely true.  I was very close to cutting off my DSL and going back to a regular dial-up.  I've never been really sure who was to blame for the constant problems, Telocity or Rhythms.  What I can tell you is that I had to deal with some of the most incompetent and stone-walling people I never care to meet again.

My odyssey begins shortly after hearing ads on the radio for this wonderful and affordable DSL service that is now in my area.  This was early February of 2000.  I called and a very personable gentleman gave me all sorts of useful information on pricing, availability, etc.  Unfortunately this would be the last seemingly intelligent person I would talk to from Telocity, until I got to talk to a high level tech near the end.  The next day I called back and placed my order.

I patiently waited the 25 business days they told me it would take to get my DSL line provisioned.  I then waited another 5 business days, while trying to get through to someone with an answer as to why the provisioning wasn't even scheduled.  I finally yelled long and loud enough to get a phone number for Rhythms, so I could ask them why there was a hold up.  When I finally got through to them, they told me they could not talk to me and I would have to call Telocity.  I argued with them for quite some time before they would give me any information.  It seems that Ameritech had come out and looked at the lines, and said the DSL would not work.  (As a side note, anyone who lives in Michigan and has to deal with Ameritech knows what a group of incompetent and lying snakes they can be.)  I asked if this was normal, and they said it happens sometimes.  Rhythms indicated they would set up another appointment to get the line verified and contact me with the results.

Another week passes with no news, so I call and wait on hold the requisite 45 minutes.  (Any call to Telocity will by definition cause you to sit on hold at least that long.)  After the interminable wait listening to cheery messages about how wonderful Telocity is, one of the customer service representatives gets around to answering my call.  (In hindsight this would have been a good time to cancel my service.  I actually did threaten to do just that, and suddenly got some forward momentum to my order!)  After being reassured that I would be notified as soon as the provisioning was scheduled, I hung up resigned to the fact that I would have to call back in a week.

Yet another week, still no DSL.  At this point completely fed up, I call and once again after a 45 minute hold time get to talk to a representative.  This one actually has good news for me, the line has been provisioned!  According to Telocity I will have my DSL within a week.

The big day comes, and I am full of anticipation of my speedy new connection.  How sorely disappointed I am.  The techs arrive and begin the 4 hour nightmare that leaves me with no second phone line and no DSL service.  So not only did I not have functioning DSL when they left my house, but now I would have to use my primary phone line to access the internet with my old dial-up account.  As you can imagine I was very angry at this turn of events, so I called tech support to find out why the service wasn't turned on.  All of this occurred on a Friday, and it was late in the afternoon when I called.  I talked to one of the low level techs, and he told me my account was not set up on their end.  I asked him why my account wasn't setup, when I had placed this order months ago and he had no answer.  He assured me it would be entered and working by Saturday. 

Saturday comes, and still no service.  I called tech support again (tech support is a bad joke by the way) and they said the account still wasn't active.  I told him that it was supposed to be activated, and he said it wouldn't get done until Tuesday at the earliest.  He said the person that enters the information into the system doesn't work weekends.  I "thanked" him and hung up.  My question to Telocity is why when you place an order, is the account not ready two months later?

Several angry phone calls and days later, bingo I have a service light.  My DSL was running at a 1M download rate, which was much better than the advertised 784K.  I was happy and all was right with the world, at least until I tried to put my web page onto Telocity's server.

Once again the joy of spending time listening to recorded happy messages about how wonderful Telocity's service is while waiting on hold.  When I finally get to the trained monkeys they have answering the phones, I get no help.  I try to explain that there are conflicting instructions as to the proper placement of files on their Support Page, and neither seems to work.  They are obviously reading off of scripts, and he has no idea how the Internet or the World Wide Web works.  He tells me he can't help me with my problem, and he will relay my problem to someone who can help.  I hang up, knowing I won't hear back from anybody about this.  I finally give up on posting a web page while using Telocity, a small price to pay for the high speed connection I have.  

Weeks go by and life is still relatively good, until sudden tragedy strikes.  I'm happily surfing the web on a Thursday night, when all of a sudden I notice that the page I was downloading has just frozen.  I look over at my DSL modem and in horror realize the service light is off.  I immediately call tech support, and am greeted with a message telling me that all of Michigan and Ohio are down.  Disappointed, I hang up assuming that things will be back to normal soon.

Friday afternoon, still no service light.  I call tech support and wait on hold for an hour, so I can talk to a technician who only knows how to reboot a computer.  After playing along with all the stupid scripted suggestions he gives me, I inform him that my service is still down.  He admits his complete failure, and says he will escalate the problem to the next level technician.  I dig in for a long night of waiting for a phone call.

Finally a person with a brain calls me and confirms what I have known all along, my service is down and a technician needs to come onsite.  He sets up a service appointment with Rhythms for Saturday morning.  I rejoice at having found a responsible person at Telocity, and note his direct phone number on my Caller ID box.

Saturday morning comes, and the "technician" (I put quotes here, because I believe this guy was selling cars the week before) shows up.  He seems rather lost when I drag him down to the wiring closet in the basement of my apartment building.  He messes around with the wires, and plugs a Telocity DSL modem in at the NID box.  Amazingly the modem doesn't show a service light here either.  He is ready to call it a day, and have Ameritech come out and look at the line.  I insist he check the connection from the punch down block to the outlet in my apartment.  He grudgingly does, and we discover that the outlet is not even connected to the punch down block anymore.  Upon further inspection we also find that there is a new connection in the NID box as well as my connection.  Apparently when Ameritech came out to install someone else's DSL, they disconnected mine.  If I hadn't forced the idiot they sent out to do his job, I would have waited another week for no reason at all before I had service.  We hook the connection in the NID box to the punch down block, and presto I have a connection again.

I am excited, but also wary so I check the connection status and find it is terrible.  I made the "technician" call Rhythms and ask them why my speed is down to 384K, when it used to be 1M.  They run some tests, and he informs me that the connection only has to be "best effort".  Apparently this was not the "best effort" possible because I used to have 1M connection.  I called the only person at Telocity who has a clue, and he assured me he would get to the bottom of it.  He was good to his word, and the modem reported a 1M connection by the next day.